In the modern world, we’re used to concepts such as “hard work” or “effort” to achieve a particular goal, yet the more we try to chase things, such as happiness, love, or wealth, the less likely we’re to obtain them, paradoxically attaining them when we stop chasing.
The more happy or satisfied we want to be, the less we’ll be. The more we chase someone, the less likely we’re to succeed. The more we chase money, the less we have.
“[…] pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place. The more you desperately want to be rich, the more poor and unworthy you feel, regardless of how much money you actually make.”
“[…] wanting a positive experience is a negative experience; accepting a negative experience is a positive experience.”
~Mark Manson
Another way to look at the idea is as follows :
Try not to think about a purple horse, and you’ll think about it. The more you try “not to think about it”, the more it persists. This metaphor shows how difficult it is to get rid of intrusive thoughts by force.
Here we see the paradox of willpower, which is the basis of ‘the law of reversed effort’ also referred to as ‘the backwards law’ by philosopher Alan Watts. The backwards law proposes that the more we pursue something, the more we achieve the opposite of what we truly want. Or simply put: the harder we try, the less likely we’ll succeed. On the flip side: when we stop trying, we’ll have what we want. (by Einzelganger)
So, if we want to stop thinking about the purple horse, in our case, giving up our struggle and letting our “desire to get rid of it” dry out is the paradoxical solution. Instead of trying to forcefully remove the horse from our thoughts, we let it dissipate by itself by leaving it alone.
The backwards law mentioned above resembles or refers to the Taoist idea of Wu Wei, commonly translated as “non-action” or “effortless action”, best represented by “not forcing”, and best explained by Alan Watts :
We know when we watch any performance of an artist, be it a dancer or an actor or a musician, we know immediately when the performance is forced and we say it doesn’t ring true, it’s too artificial, it doesn’t seem to be natural, many people who study the Taoist doctrines think that Wu Wei means do nothing in the sense of laissez-faire be lazy always be passive it doesn’t mean that, there is a time for action.
When you study judo you use muscle only at the right moment when your opponent is hopelessly overextended and off-balance and you add a little muscle through it and you throw him across the room but only then you never use muscle at the wrong moment, for a Shakespeare knew perfectly well there is a tide in the affairs of men which taken at its flood leads on to fortune and so Wu Wei is based on knowledge of the tide the drift of things, get with it, Wu Wei is the art of sailing rather than the art of rowing.
To simplify it further, the farmer drowns them instead by watering the crops twice as much, in hopes of growing them faster. That is, Wu Wei is the art of not forcing, and therefore waiting for the right action to arise, by not rushing.
“Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear ? Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself ?”
~Lao Tzu
I like to think about the backwards law as a ball that we throw, trying to get rid of; the harder we throw it, the harder we force the process, and the more likely it is that the ball will bounce back and hurt us. Alternatively, by embracing the presence of the ball, getting rid of our desire to throw it off, and letting it go, we’ll get rid of it effortlessly, and without getting hurt.
Another common example is when we try to sleep, the more we force ourselves to sleep, the less likely we are to fall asleep.
Similarly, the more perfect we want to be, the lesser we’ll be, and only by accepting imperfection, we’ll be able to feel perfect.
“Those who stand on tiptoes do not stand firmly.
~Lao Tzu
Those who rush ahead don’t get very far.
Those who try to outshine others dim their own light.”
Briefly, by not forcing things, by being patient and not rushing our actions, seeing the bigger picture and waiting for the right actions to arise, and by letting go of what is outside of our control; we’re more likely to attain what we aim at, and gain inner peace.
Quoting many names previously, I’ll leave you with another one by Alan Watts :
“When you try to stay on the surface of the water, you sink; but when you try to sink, you float.”